The Joy of Tennis
(To read this article in Marathi Click Here.)
I don't know why but I was feeling sad and low; tired - like nothing mattered. It felt like the world was vanishing. Like when you're standing on the beach with your feet in the sea, the waves recede and you can feel the sand slipping away from around your feet. It feels like you can do nothing to hold on. A feeling of not having a secure footing, that things aren't quite right.
I don't know why, but it had been going on for a while. It brought in a sense of nihilism and a near-paralysis of action and thought. Like a sudden chill had frozen a sea-wave halfway through it's motion. Incomplete, stuck, hanging, neither flowing nor breaking apart.
That's when my phone pinged - a message. A recent acquaintance was texting to inform that he was running late for our tennis game. In that mental haze, I had forgotten the plans we'd made last week. Luckily him running late meant I still had time to get there.
I imagine there is no motivator greater than the fear of giving affront to a stranger or a new acquaintance. If it had been a friend, I'd have cancelled without a second thought. But, the thought of disappointing a stranger jerked me out of my stupour. Luckily I was dressed right, my gear is always in my car, and the courts weren't far away. So, I got there, a little late but not so late that a sheepish apology wouldn't work.
He was a much better player but I managed to keep up. We played for fun, and exercise and didn't keep score. I surprised myself at how well I played but I often do that - surprise myself. But most amazingly, for that one hour everything seemed good. It was as if the waves were unfrozen, flowing again and somehow calmer too. I did not feel tired anymore. On the contrary, I felt more energized. I don't think the feeling of emptiness went away completely but the impending sense of doom no longer prevailed.
It amazes me how this happens every time I play a sport. I wonder if it is because of the mindful nature of sports where you have to be present in the moment. You cannot think of external things, you cannot think of what happened yesterday, or in the morning, or what's going to happen later in the day. You have to be there in the present - only thinking of what you are doing then and there. And having an hour like that is pure gold at times. It is like you've put down that 100 kilo bag you carry on your shoulders everyday. And even if it's only for a little while, it makes you feel lighter, brighter, and a little quieter. For me it is playing sports, for others it's reading a book, or a walk in nature. Whatever it is, we need to find it, nurture it and let it grow.
Let me know the things that help keep you in the present in the comments below.