Jay
We all tell a story and hide another. Which one is Jay's?
Jay's struggles with his mental health had been discussed and debated for ages, just never outside the confines of his mind. Not until Neil had literally broken through the facade. Neil had come over to help Jay put up his latest creation in the garden. Neil had overbalanced, lost control, and the heavy sculpture had chipped a little bit of the front porch. Jay couldn't believe his reaction to this little accident. He had broken down sobbing, unable to hold back a deluge of tears long hidden behind a mask of seemingly jovial candor.
Neil felt really sorry about the accident but was at a loss for Jay's inconsolable reaction. The rock solid Jay, just sitting on the grass, rocking back and forth, bawling, was as strange a sight as he'd ever seen. Jay was a funny guy, the quiet type with a perfect comic timing. They called him the 'silent killer' because he was usually silent, but when he chimed in, his input was bang on target. He was creative, his mind worked in a way that amazed his friends. But today was different.
Neil sat beside his friend. Just sat there, without a word, while Jay cried. He thought back to Harry's words, "Sometimes the best conversation is silence." It seemed a long time before Jay calmed down and looked at Neil. Neil waited for him to speak, unsure what to say. Jay didn't speak right away. Now that the emotions had been contained again, his mind went back down its usual spiral.
Jay seemed to have it all. He was a well-known artist, building sculptures that had been admired by critics and patrons alike. He had a successful business that buttered his bread and then some. He lived in a house that he had practically built with his own hands, and what a majestic house it was. He was in a loving relationship with an intelligent woman. Yet, he was unhappy. A profound, deep sadness that he couldn't shake.
Jay felt like he walked around with a black cloud hanging over his head. He wasn't a troubled soul, was he? His childhood was great, his parents supportive, doting sister, no losses or traumatic events in life. Then why could he not shake off this sadness? It wasn't that he was sad all the time. He remembered a happy, life-of-the-party version of himself till he started getting closer to his thirties. Then the dark clouds came for the first time. They lingered for weeks, rained hard, left him drowning in a deluge and then went away. The sun came out and he felt like himself again.
Jay had spent hours trying to make sense of it, figure it out. But, he told no one. He was Jay, he didn't get sad, he didn't need a shoulder. He remembered feeling like nothing mattered, like everything was futile, like a switch had turned off on his desires. He'd done what any average person would do, he'd turned to the internet, to self help books. He found some answers, then he found more that said the opposite of what he'd read earlier, then he found unanswered questions. And then one day, the switch turned back on. It was gradual but he got back to his usual ways. He appreciated life more now, and he gave up on those questions.
Jay was back, Jay was productive and maybe even falling in love. But, the last few weeks he could see the dark clouds on the horizon again. This time, they looked ominous. Jay had done everything the books told him to do. He'd even made this happy sculpture of bright birds, when all he'd wanted to do was lay in bed. He looked at Neil. Maybe, it wasn't an accident that the guy sitting next to him on the grass was a trained mental health professional. Jay forced a smile through the drying tears, a smile without joy, but with a semblance of hope...